The one thing I was looking forward to the most about going on a roadtrip was getting to see parts of this country that I’ve never seen before. I love a good long drive through beautiful country, listening to good music, and looking at God’s creation just to have my breath taken away.

I certainly got more than I bargained for this trip.

Of course, seeing the Grand Canyon was a culmination of all that. Clichéd as it might be, the words really don’t exist to describe what it’s like to stand at the edge of that canyon and see the brilliance in the colors’ design layered in the rocks, the creativity of the different rock formations and shames of the canyon rim.

I think we all have moments when we remember that we are very alive, when we are aware of the breath racing through our lungs, the blood pulsing through our veins, the wind across our face, the majesty before our eyes, the glory in our hearts. It’s an overwhelming feeling that can’t be contained, and nearly drowns you in the intoxicating emotion of simply being alive. It’s the feeling of knights riding white horses and princesses all beautiful waiting to love; of glorious battles and desperate victories; of the sunrise and of the moon and stars banishing the shadows; of stories and histories and imagining yourself the hero of them.

It’s a feeling that I only know to describe as an awareness of my place in the grand history of life. It’s getting wrapped up in the grand adventure of God. It’s running the earth and watching the sky. It’s the wild hope of love, the untamed joy of a child, the gravity of a starry sky. It’s tearing up listening to a song that echoes eternity, or seeing a painting that looks like heaven. It’s the faith of Abraham and Sarah as they followed the Voice of God. It’s Noah building a boat while never having seen rain; it’s Moses leading a nation following a Pillar of Fire across as desert in chase of the Promised Land; it’s Mary saying ‘let it be to me according to Your Will’; it’s Jesus walking to His death on a cross all for the hope of spending eternity with us.

It’s a feeling that is awakened in our hearts as children and we play childish games that we forget as we grow up, not realizing that the rest of our lives become real-life colors of those shadows. It’s the seed of the Kingdom of God planted in our hearts that dares us to dream big, and have faith in a God big enough to make those dreams come true. It’s being overcome by the fury of God’s love seen in every one of those things – beauty, love, life, creation – and simply sitting in awe of Him. And then rising up and living in abandon to that Love.

It’s knowing we are alive and breathing, and seeing our smallness in relation to the awesome God of the Universe, Creation, and all Eternity, who chose to love not only humanity as a whole, but me as a person. It’s feeling the breath of God in my soul, waking me up to feel for the very first time and live life abundantly and fully for the sake of the King and the Kingdom.

Today I had an amazing opportunity to spend a little bit of time with my Great-Aunt, who is somewhere around 96 or 97 years old. As always, she was witty and sweet; her mind is agile as ever, even if her body most definitely is not. We didn’t stay for a terribly long time, but long enough to sing a hymn to her and read a Psalm to her. It was really moving to see her lips start to move with the familiar old words to the hymn, even though she wasn’t really able to sing it. The particular Psalm she chose was one I couldn’t place right off – but as I started to read it, I realized how appropriate it was.

This little lady has lived for almost a century – from before there was widespread electricity, before there was indoor plumbing, before women could get away with wearing pants in public, before there were more cars than horses, before it was common to have one telephone in an entire town let alone the invention of the cell phone. She lived through two World Wars, the advent of the age of electronics, and more changes than I might be able to handle. And now she lays in an assisted living home in College Station, Texas.

What amazes me so much about this Great-Aunt of mine is her grace and the legacy she has of always being the sweetest person to everyone. She has a reputation for taking in every stray creature, be it a dog, cat, horse, or human. She also made the best apple pie ever that no one can compete with. She has loved Jesus all of her life, and it shows in her demeanor. Although she’s in a great deal of pain (we don’t know how much – she’s the kind of person that no matter how bad she was hurting if asked, she would tell you she was just fine), she still has such a look of peace and contentment about her that is striking.

Growing old is one of those things that I guess happens to all of us, and I can’t say that I’m particularly looking forward to stiff joints, slowed movement, hearing loss, and the like – but then the part I do hope to one day enjoy is that sense of peace and accomplishment of a life well lived. Of course none of us live perfectly, but I do hope that in my old age I can look back on my life and know that I lived long, and that I lived well, all for the glory of the King; that I can die in joyful anticipation of meeting my Savior, God, and Righteous Judge rather than fearful dread for all that I didn’t do. I want my long-awaited reunion with the King of my Heart and Lover of my Soul to be filled with all the joy and love of a lifelong separation finally ended.

O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

Keep me safe, O God,
for I have come to you for refuge.
I said to the Lord, “You are my Master!
Every good thing I have comes from you.”
The godly people in the land
are my true heroes!
I take pleasure in them!
Troubles multiply for those who chase after other gods.
I will not take part in their sacrifices of blood
or even speak the names of their gods.
Lord, you alone are my inheritance, my cup of blessing.
You guard all that is mine.
The land you have given me is a pleasant land.
What a wonderful inheritance!
I will bless the Lord who guides me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
I know the Lord is always with me.
I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.
No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice.
My body rests in safety.
For you will not leave my soul among the dead
or allow your holy one to rot in the grave.
You will show me the way of life,
granting me the joy of your presence
and the pleasures of living with you forever.
Psalm 16

Even at just the faintest scent of water
Blowing in on the fresh dark clouds
What I thought had died
Springs back to life
In the most unexpected way.

Against all the odds and being out of season,
December became my morning
And we planted the seeds
With a hope and a prayer
To see what the seasons would bring.

We found with our love what life really is:
Hope’s fragility, however dominant, will never be outdone
By its ever stronger tenacity
To cling to life and love
Despite the darker clouds.

Just finished
That is all
For all my metaphors
And assumed personnas
I merely find myself
Done
With all the pretending
And all the ending
Of trying so hard
I am finished
That is all
There’s nothing left
Just this
As once, so now
It’s a terrible fate
I wish I could ignore
So well as you
But finished
Just finished
I have nothing
Just a clean slate
An empty page
Still smudged from the eraser marks

{this is part 1 of a novella i’m writing, meant to be read as short snapshots into the love life of one girl named Delilah. each subsequent part will not necessarily pick up where the last one left off, but will be after it chronologically. enjoy. -S}

Delilah smoothed her dress one last time in great anticipation, knowing she looked perfect and yet still feeling terribly self conscious. What would he think when he saw her? She paced the floor, her heels leaving little tiny indents on the fluffy carpet. Checking the clock, she was dismayed to find it was still seven minutes ’til, and time could not have been creeping by any slower. Her heartbeat quickened as she thought about him.

He was her Knight in Shining Armor. He had come riding into her life on his white horse, and swept her off her feet and into a beautifully unexpected romance. Something about him made her feel so alive. He was intensely smart – smarter than she was, and that was a refreshing reality to encounter. He was a very intimidating man in that aspect, but also because he was very attractive. He walked among the movers and shakers of her circles, and it was unbelievable to her that he found time to see little timid her hiding between the cracks of the crowd. But somehow, she did not doubt his devotion. He was a shoulder she could cry on, an arm she could lean on. His thoughts challenged her, inspired her, and expanded her horizons to new ideas. That is what he was good at. What he was not good at, however, was clearly knowing how to woo a woman. His cluelessness, though, was made up for by his obvious and genuine love for her. It was his first “real” relationship, and she delighted in doing whatever she could to be the perfect girlfriend who would please him.

Thus, why she was so excited to look so fabulous for him tonight. Of course, it was terribly silly, but she somehow took great delight in knowing she would turn heads when she walked in the room, and that he could be proud knowing she belonged to him. She caught sight of herself in a mirror and caught her breath. At least… hopefully he would think… Maybe she was too full of herself. There was always the chance that he might not like her dress… or her hair… or maybe her makeup…

The doorbell rang and she took stopped breathing, suddenly so nervous she could hardly open the door without shaking. His eyes lit up when he saw her, and she could tell he would indeed be proud to walk in the room with her on his arm. She tried to act normal as they made small talk while walking to the car. He opened the door for her to step in, and smiled one of his rare but breathtaking smiles at her. It was going to be a good night.

The room was filled with happy couples and friends laughing, taking pictures, and generally making merry. Delilah couldn’t help but laugh at the single girls make fools of themselves hoping to catch the eye of some longed-for crush. The boys, of course, were clueless, though they did enjoy the attention. Her Knight stood solidly by her side as they found their table and sat, waiting for the others to come and join them. He wasn’t exactly the most social person; mingling wasn’t his thing. It wasn’t her strongest point either, unless she was with others who were social butterflies. So they sat, talking to themselves until others joined them. While waiting, Delilah couldn’t help but notice the rowdy table next to them, filled with all the “cool” people. She wondered for a moment what it might be like to be with one of those boys, to be the life of the party, center of attention. It was a brief and fleeting thought, gone the moment her Knight touched her elbow to ask if she would like some punch. He was such a good man.