New & Improved…

For any of you out there still occasionally visiting this site… I have started a copywriting business, and all (well, most) of my writing energy will now be directed towards that! I will still be blogging, but on that website, which is the new and improved And Afterwords. Take a look and be a fan!

(betrayed)

it’s just funny in the saddest way seeing your secrets shared with somebody else.

the things only you were supposed to know about.

that were special.

the secret reason to our smile.

and now they are shared with somebody else, like they were never yours.

there are some songs i will never again sing.

some poems i will never again read.

because they were a secret.

our secret.

but they have been shared.

and i am left sad.

Attitude

This week for me has been a daily exercise of mind over emotion. I don’t know what it is about everything always happening at once, or maybe bad luck just coming in sets of three, but it really does seem like if it’s gonna rain, it’s gonna pour. This week it has definitely poured, and somewhere I think I lost my umbrella. I’ve had some time to reflect on this whole choosing your attitude concept. The thing about having a bad day is that there’s this sort of sick addiction to feeling miserable; we almost like it. It’s just easier to say “bah, humbug!” to the world rather than put the work into getting ourselves back in a good mood. Some days, I would honestly rather shut the blinds, unplug the phone, and scowl at anybody who gets within three feet of me. But really, how silly! And what was it in the first place that made me so cranky? My coffee made wrong? Nobody replacing the toilet paper in the bathroom and me not realizing it until too late? Someone cutting me off on the freeway? The weather? A bad dream that put me in a funky mood? People at work looking at me the wrong way? Seriously, though, is any of that sufficient reason to wear a permanent frown?

It is absolutely mind over matter, the matter being emotion. Bad days happen, they really do. Believe me, I understand. Life is hard these days, and stressful, and I find that people (including myself) are easily overwhelmed by the day-to-day pressures of life. That overwhelmedness often manifests in what I call the crankies, which is clinically defined by me as a general bad mood with symptoms including snide remarks, selfish behavior, and unpleasant countenance. I’m struck, though, that spreading around the crankies to everyone who comes in my near vicinity is only going to compound the epidemic that bad days already are. Someone has to choose to stop spreading the germs – to wash their hands and have done with it. This week I found myself constantly in situations where I didn’t have a choice but to change my attitude. Work. Family. None of those people deserve having me pawn my negativity off on them unawares. I’m not saying I went from gloomy skies to all rainbows and unicorns, but there is much more at stake than I’m willing to risk losing just because of a bad case of the crankies.

I found this week that the more I stopped to think and choose my attitude’s response to things, the easier it became to have a good outward response. I still cried a lot this week, but I also know that I did my best not to weigh the wrong people down with my concerns. The right people heard all about them, and helped me work through things. Everyone else still got a smile, and a please, and a thank you.

My point in pausing to share all this is, if nothing else, to make you think about your cranky days. How are you on those days to the people around you? Do you suddenly turn into a diva? The Grinch? Or a 2-year-old demanding attention by throwing a tantrum? Have you ever stopped to think about who you’re affecting with your crankies? How you express them? Who you express them to? Do you have any strategy in dealing with a bad day? I suggest you formulate one. I have – and a lot of the time, it really helps. My day on the inside may not improve a great deal, but my day on the outside does a 180º. Which, by the way, generally means my day on the inside starts to get better, too. Just think about it. And try not to ever have such a bad day that you can’t reasonably remember that you really do have the ability to choose your attitude, and that you really can rise to the occasion and choose to genuinely smile and care about others even when all you want to do is care about yourself.

someday, you, too

head down, press forward.
someday, you, too.
don’t look, don’t notice.
hide it down, find your smile.
hold on, keep moving.
just for now, wait it out.
someday, you, too.

Who I Am

Maybe… Maybe someday I’ll be who I’m supposed to be. It’s all in the process, really… of growing and changing and realizing who you are. I don’t know that I’ll ever arrive. I doubt I will ever have a moment when I find I have reached my potential, achieved my life’s goal. I don’t think I will ever reach a place in my life when I know I am doing what I was born to do. I will only ever be trying.

Some days that’s a very depressing thought.

But other days it’s very relieving.

Because it means there’s not so much pressure. Only that I try my best every day, and see where God takes me on this journey that is my life. The real success comes in loving and honoring Him every step of the way.

So I guess that’s it, then. Love the Lord my God with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength. And leave the rest up to Him.